Dotted Fragments

BLS-CPR Training Today

We had our Basic Life Support-Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation Training today. We originally went to the Red Cross headquarters in Intramuros (as we were told to). We waited in the room for approximately 30 minutes before we were told that we don't have any training scheduled there. Our training would actually be held at the Headquarters in Bonifacio Drive near the pier.

And so we walked to the actual venue. Good thing I have no problem with walking long distances.

I learned a lot from the seminar and not just about BLS-CPR itself. I had so many interesting insights about life (this, of course, happened when my mind drifted and i was no longer listening to the speaker. It happened A LOT, by the way.)

I'll be sharing them with you on my upcoming posts (because I still need to study. We will be coming back to the Philippine National Red Cross tomorrow for an exam)...

Before ending this post though, I'll leave you a clue regarding my next post:

"Lumangoy ka hangga't may tubig..."

any idea? hehe

pictures

Friends, di ko ma-upload yung ibang pics dito sa friendster. paki-visit na lang multiply ko. Here's the link:

click this ---->  PGH-chics

...yung PGH-chics na folder, andun yung pics natin...

...saka baka dun na rin ako mag-upload ng iba pang pics... up to 10 albums lang kasi pwede dito sa friendster e. so paki-check na lang din yun now and then. =)

thanks.

much love.

Introducing Friends # 1 & 2

Let’s call them Friend #1 and Friend #2 for this, and only this, entry.

Friend #1 is a girl and Friend #2 is a boy. They are both my friends but they are not friends. On one occasion, the three of us had breakfast together. That was the first and the only time that they met.

 

Let me share this text conversation I had with Friend #1 last weekend (some parts were edited out to maintain the anonymity of someone…hehe).

 

Laine: Hello [Friend #1]! <chika, chika…blah blah!..and then…> btw, I’m over Donny (Donny was my crush for almost a year). Pag nagkita tayo kwento ko. Hehe

 

Friend #1: Teka! May boy ka! Kayo na ba ni [Friend #2]? Wow! Inggit ako! And yep, friendster yun…going back to the boy, si [Friend #2] ba?!

 

Laine: Whaat?! No! May gf yun noh! (and then I proceed to describe my crush).

 

Friend #1: di si [Friend #2]? I’m a bit disappointed dahil wish ko pa naman kayo magkatuluyan. Pero I’m so happy may boylet ka, and cute naman si…

 

Laine: Teka, bat mo naman kami ni-wish ni [Friend #2]? That’s so weird!

 

Friend #1: and why not? You’ve been friends with him since time immemorial. Di ba sweet? Parang Catch and George sa Drama Queen? Ahehe…

 

 

I just wanted to share it coz I really find it weird. But then I find it funny too. Haha! Friend #1, if and when you read this, you’ll know it’s you. Friend #2, you don’t have any idea and I think we should just keep it that way. =)

I am torn...

I’m torn at the moment.

I cannot decide what to do.

Let me elaborate…

 

I have begun my internship (finally, after all those years…) at PGH this June. My nerves got to me at first (well, they actually still do). I was very nervous and excited, as this would essentially be a test of what I’ve learned in school all those years. It would be like several months of everyday laboratory exams (I cannot even begin to describe the “sir EJ factor” or the “ma’am Joan factor” that I’ve always felt whenever I set foot inside the PT laboratory room during our exams).

 

Good thing the very first patient assigned to me was very cooperative. We had fun during our sessions even when I constantly teased him that our next session would be harder than the last. He would always reply, “gusto ko nga ng ganon e, para makauwi na ako. Mas mahirap, mas maganda…” True to my word, I’d really give him a hard time the next day. He would sometimes complain about the difficulty of the exercises that I ask him to do but he completes them anyway. A week after we started out treatment, he was discharged from the hospital. I cannot honestly say that I was happy about it. Yes, I was happy for him because that was what he wanted. I was a bit saddened, though, because I knew that there was more that I could do to make him better. We have begun ambulation without an assistive device that Friday. I would’ve wanted him to go home walking as near normal as possible. I wanted to increase his endurance, improve his balance. Instead, he was sent home with the order of using a walker to aid him during ambulation. What’s more, he was discharged on a day that I was not in the hospital (due to the Independence day) so I wasn’t able to give him a copy of the exercises that we do in the clinic and some other exercises that he could do when he gets all better. I was very frustrated about that. I have neither his contact number nor address. I would willingly send him a copy of the exercises if only I knew. I sorely miss him yet I’m happy he’s back home.

 

 Some of my co-interns wonder why I look so jolly when I see my patients, even when just before seeing them, it seems like the end of the world to me. It’s very simple, actually. These people are already saddened by the current state of their lives. How would they react if I add all my misery to theirs? I laugh, I smile when I’m with them so I would also see them laugh. See, I have this thing about making people happy (but that’s another story). I want to take off their burden even for just a few minutes while we’re together.

 

 I remember one treatment session that had such a great impact on me. I facilitated sitting tolerance exercises to one of my patients. I felt so unfulfilled afterwards. I had a hard time sleeping that night because I was thinking that what I did wasn’t needed. It felt like I failed myself and my patient. It was a good thing that I talked with my supervisor about it and he made me realize that I was actually able to help the patient even if it seemed to me that I did not.

 

Do you see my problem now? I get too attached. I inwardly cry when I see them in pain. I felt the burden of grief when the skin graft operation of one of my patients was postponed because of financial issues. I kept thinking that if I only had the money, I would be very willing to shoulder their expenses. But I don’t, so I can only extend my moral support.

 

Now, I’m torn between wanting to help people (which is why I chose to be in the medical field in the first place) and saving myself from so much pain. I know I can only handle so much. I have my limits, as well. Pray that I don’t implode. I need a release, which is why I write again.

First post for the year (and i wish i had something happier to write about)

Last month, I texted most of my friends and relatives to ask for their prayers. My uncle was in the hospital for another open heart surgery (He had one less than 7 years ago). I was shocked when I heard the news. I did things I haven't done for so long -- read the Bible, go to church, pray.
We were praying for a miracle. It was short-lived. His heart stopped bleeding (after 15 hours of operation) so they brought him to the ICU. The doctors still didn't stitch up his chest because they wanted to be sure that his heart won't bleed again. They said it was a miracle. Merely three hours after that, my uncle passed away.
I didn't know about it until I went home. My grandmother (and my parents) opted not to tell me while I was alone in Manila.
It was quite a shock went I arrived at home. The signs were there: My dad was home (though it was just around 4pm); There are other vehicles parked in front of the house; When I went inside, there were flowers, candles and a blown-up picture of my uncle above the piano; My mom had this strange look on her face -- about to cry yet trying to smile.
The first words I said were, "No, no, no..."
Given the same situation, I think just about everyone would be rendered speechless.
My mother hugged me. She said it was for the best. I cannot believe it. I refused to believe it.
Days, weeks after that, I still find myself crying everytime I remember. He was (I actually typed "is"...) a very nice person. No one would disagree to that. He was nice to everyone.
It's just so hard to lose someone you love dearly. It's hard to let go. But then again, at some point in my life, I have to begin to do just that. Now, I'm trying. I know I will miss him terribly (especially when I go online, during family occasions, holidays...) and I see nothing wrong with that. I just hope for the day that I will miss him without the pain. Knowing how I feel about it makes me even feel worse when I think about how my mom feels because I know her grief far exceeds mine.
This event, however, taught me things in life that I've known since childhood but I've neglected growing up. Going to church, reading the Bible and praying. After all, Uncle Jhay always (ALWAYS!) advised me to pray.

Salamat sa inyong lahat!!!!

Gusto ko lang magpasalamat sa lahat ng naging bahagi ng buhay ko sa taon na 'to. Maraming salamat sa pamilya ko, sa mga kaibigan ko, mga kaklase, mga guro, estudyante, ka-friendster, mga bagong kakilala, kayong lahat...maraming salamat!

Sana'y anjan pa rin kayo sa mga taon na darating. mwah!

(parang speech pag may award ah.. Ü)
.
<...sa susunod na lang ang year-end month-by-month story ko...naisulat ko na, pero nasa PC sa dorm, wala akong kopya dito sa bahay.>

Moon river wider than a mile
I'm crossin' you in style someday
Oh, dream maker
You heartbreaker
Wherever you're going
I'm going your way

Two drifters off to see the world
There's such a lot of world to see
We're after the same rainbow's end
Waiting 'round the bend
My huckleberry friend
Moon river and me

-Moon River (OST-Breakfast at Tiffany's)

This is one of my favorite songs. I liked it since I first heard it, even more when I watched the movie.

Lagi akong naiiyak dati pag naririnig ko 'to. Di ko nga alam kong bakit e. Pero ngayon, it makes me feel good.

...I'm crossing you in style someday...

and yet...still...

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild
heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like
you can't take anymore

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

'Cause there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breath again

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

because "i love you" comes so easy...

"I love you."

Andaling sabihin. Kasindali din ng pagsabi ng "I love you, too".

Minsan tuloy, pag sinasabi yan sakin, di ko na alam kung totoo.

Pa'no kung maniwala ako tapos kasinungalingan lang pala? Masasaktan na naman ako. E pa'no din naman kung di ako maniwala pero totoo na nga?

Tulad ngayon. Ilang beses na ba niyang sinabi na mahal niya ako. Pero asan siya? Hindi ko alam kung ano na nangyayari sa kanya pero mukhang alam ko na kung kelan siya ulit susulpot... At parang alam ko na rin kung kelan siya ulit mawawala pagkatapos nun.

Sana pag sinabi niyang mahal niya ako, ipakita din niya. Hindi yung sasabihin niya tapos bigla na alng siyang mawawala. Andali kasing magsabi ng "I love you"...

...lalo na kung ginagawa mo lang biro.

Naiinip na ako

Magulo ang buhay, sa totoo lang.

Andaming complications na pilit kong iniiwasan pero patuloy pa ring umiikot sa buhay ko. Madami ring mga bagay na simple lang naman sana pero ginagawa kong komplikado. May mga bagay din na matagal ko nang hinihintay, ginagawan ng paraan para makuha pero mailap pa rin at laging lumilihis sa plano (minsan may mga tao din under this category..).

Naiinip na ako.

Simulan sa love life. Ayoko sana magsulat tungkol dito with elaborate details pero wala akong kausap ngayon at gusto kong magkwento...kaya bahala na ang self-imposed censorship ko.

Tulad ng maraming bagay sa buhay ko, ito ay komplikado at nakakainip. Let's call them W, X, Y at Z (in no particular order).

Simple lang naman ang summary ng lovelife ko. I will meet someone who, for a period of time, would always be there for me -- right place, right time, with the right words at the right moment. Then we fall in love. Eventually, the relationship ends. After a while, uulit na naman. Someone at the right place, right blah blah blah...

Naiinip na ako. Sana dumating naman yung pagkakataon na tama lahat (kung may mali, kayang ayusin) at sa bandang huli walang mananakit, walang masasaktan.

Secondly (at mas importante 'to sakin kesa sa "lovelife" ko), frustrated na ako sa pag-aaral ko. Andami kong plano...at ayon sa plano, dapat sa mga oras na 'to ay di ang pagbblog ang inaatupag ko. Dapat sana nag-aaral na ako para sa board exams. Pero hindi. Fate has been cruel and delayed my plans not for one but for TWO whole years. Ang isang taon, kasalanan ko. Hinayaan kong madala ako ng mga emosyon ko kaya pati tuloy ang mga grades ko natangay. Yung isa pang taon, hindi ko talaga kasalanan. Ilang buwan din akong paulit-ulit na nagkakasakit matapos gawin yun sa akin ng department namin. Pinacancel ang mga subject na na-enrolan ko na sa kadahilanang hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa rin alam. Sayang ang isa na namang taon.

Gusto kong libutin ang maraming lugar. Pangarap ko yun e -- travel places. Isa din yon sa mga kailangan i-postpone dahil sa pagkadelay ko sa pag-aaral. Lahat, lahat ng nasa plano kailangan i-move.

Grade 6 pa lang ako gumawa na ako ng draft ng mga gusto kong mangyari sa buhay ko. Second year high school ako nung ma-finalize ang plano. Sayang.

May problem number three pa. My biggest problem. Hindi ko na lang sasabihin. Tama na yung dalawa.